“He who cannot howl will never find his pack ” Charles Simic
I confess that I have never been entirely trustworthy because I have not been totally truthful about who I am.
I have ducked, fudged, pretended and defended. I have been afraid and ashamed. I have projected and rejected, sought outside for that which I am.
I confess I have betrayed myself in the name of belonging and then betrayed every group, relationship, belief system or identity that I belonged to if it prevented me from loving and belonging to all others.
Chameleon-like I have blended into every environment , hiding, waiting, gathering strength.
I confess that I am love and have always been inspite of the veils I so eagerly wrapped myself in.
I confess that confessing is both a total relief and a vulnerable surrender.
I feel like I have been coming out since the sixties but only now emerging naked into a world that both desperately wants love and is also desperate to prove it does not exist and cannot be trusted.
This is the freeing of love and the loving of freedom.
My heart tells me that all over the world others are emerging, blinking from their caves because some horn
has been sounded somewhere in cosmos, calling us.
I know I do not have the strength to stand and walk alone although I need no assistance It does not matter. It is time.
And so this is my heart howl to my pack, my tribe who has no tribe. What unites them is the confession, the truth telling, each inside his or her own heart that they no longer have any choice but to emerge like cicadas coming up from the earth or turtles hatching on the moon and beginning the run to the sea.
Some deep tide of awakening has come upon us and another generation that has been dreaming and nurturing the truth that it is love, is ripe and bursting.
It is not an organisation or a creed but an irresistable movement, a stirring of the cosmic soul – synergistically and sychronistically convergent.
Some things I know deep in the rhythms and pulsings of my heart blood.
I am not an activist or a pacifist, a conservationist or a hedonist.
I am love and I have no idea what I am going to do next.
I am not straight, gay, bisexual or transgender . I am neither monogamous, polyamourous, promiscuous or celibate.
I am love and I have no idea who or how I am going to love next.
I am not conservative or liberal, green, blue or teal. I am not muslim, buddhist, christian or jew.
I am love and I have no idea what I am going to think or adore next.
There is nothing inner or outer, above or below, left or right that I adhere to.
My fidelity is to the moment by moment arising in the core of the heart which lets me know what is truth for me, here, now.
I am radical, dangerous to all that seeks to exclude or contain me, wild, free and beautiful.
I recognise that many others do not have such a touchstone that they trust and so for them this attitude appears simply as an excuse for license.
I recognise for many that a set of rules or mental guidelines is appropriate and right.
I recognise that I must be vigilant in keeping my heart clear and open in order to hear and bear the divinity that is expressing there.
I choose this way, this flow of eros, this pathless path unfolding in each creative moment for it is my way, the way that the love I am wants to unfold and flow into my world.
I do not know your way but I am curious to see how the love that you are is calling you, dancing you in your own journey to the ocean.
This is my full moon heart howl and I sound it clear and strong on the winds of spirit blowing through the torn veils in the temple that is this beautiful earth.